So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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