He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
