I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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