I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
