My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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