..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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