I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
