its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
