Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
