she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
