Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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