i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
