I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
