My first STD was from a foam party
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
