Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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