Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
