Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
