Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
