I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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