my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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