I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
