he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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