I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
