I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
