I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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