he shaved USA in his pubs
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
