Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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