is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
