I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
