My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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