just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
