she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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