Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
