Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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