i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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