My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
