i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
