so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
