I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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