Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
3 2 1 whiskey
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
