I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
whose parrot is this?
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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