question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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