I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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