We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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