I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
