You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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