I looked at my own cervix.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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