It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
