he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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