I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
