No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
