i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
