It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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