You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
