yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
