I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
