I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
