they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize